Realisations
by Craving Oxygen
Summary: Nick and Melissa have a complicated relationship founded on their sexual relationship. Melissa has been honest about what she wants but what will it take for Nick to realise what has been in front of him. Explores the relationship between Nick and Melissa and another way the school dance could have gone while also reflecting on the individuals of the circle and how others see them


Disclaimer: All characters are owned by L. J. Smith and the CW.

"You're a dick!" I called out after him as I threw the nearest thing I could find at his back. It hurt when he said that. That all we were was sex. I knew it was true but I wish it wasn't. I like him, I really do.

He has the hidden side to him that he won't let anyone see. He's damaged due to the loss of his parents and the absence of his brother but he tries to hide it behind a smirk and a cold laugh. His eyes through, they tell a different story. If you look close enough you can see the sadness hidden within. The fear to get close to anyone because he doesn't want to lose another loved one.

We all have that look in our eyes. Faye hides her suffering behind snarky remarks and mean looks; she hurts others so she won't have to feel her own pain. Adam puts on a brave face for his dad who drinks like there's no tomorrow; he can't let Ethan see his sadness because he knows that he'll break apart if he does. Diana's sadness is invisible but it's there; she has to seem brave and strong because she's our leader, the one we all turn to for help whether unconsciously or not, and she knows that she has to be there for everybody. She puts her pain on hold to help others. But recently it's become more visible with the arrival of Cassie who is unknowingly, or maybe deliberately, stealing the love of her life away from her and Diana can do nothing to stop it. Then there's Cassie, her sadness is still very visible, maybe because she only recently lost her mother, maybe because she hasn't yet learnt what we all have in the art of deceit.

I wonder what they see when they look at me. I suppose they think I'm lucky in the fact that I've had a stepmother since I was six; that's almost the same as having real mother. But it isn't. I try to hide my sadness too and I guess I do it well. I just stick on a smile like Diana does and go around following Faye like a puppy. I don't know what to do otherwise. I feel so lost and I guess that is why I am dependent on Faye.

She's right though. I don't like myself. What is there to like in honesty. I'm a slut; sleeping with Nick of all people! It's just; ever since he took my virginity three months ago I have been unable to get him out of my head. It's frustrating! I finally gave in to my desires, although wanting to hide it from Faye who is so judgemental sometimes, only for Nick to tell me that there's nothing to brag about.

And now he doesn't even want to go to one stupid school dance with me. It's the first thing I've said that I want to go to without Faye's input and he refuses. I just don't know why he hates me! What have I done except like him. He knows I like him; I've told him. But he just pushes me away. His excuse for not wanting to take me is that he doesn't dance but I saw him dancing, or rather grinding, with Faye the night we bound the circle. I get that I'm no Faye and never will be but I just want him to want me!

No, you know what? No more! If he doesn't want to go that's fine; I'll go on my own. I'm not ugly! I'm sure one guy will dance with me. I just have to find someone who actually likes me for me and not just for my body.

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Maybe I was too harsh. I just don't understand why she would want to go to this stupid dance with me. I'm Nick Armstrong! I'm the bad guy, the tortured soul! But sometimes I see her look at me and it's like she sees right through me, right down to my soul.

To be honest, she's perfect. She has those deep hazel eyes, smooth caramel skin and big pouty lips. And she's smart even if she never exploits it. She's creative; I've seen her artwork and it's so imaginative and quirky. Just like her.

I feel like I betrayed her when I rejected her to the dance. Maybe I should go! Yeah, I'll go. That way I'll be with the rest of the circle and she'll forgive me so that we can have some angry make-up sex. Good plan.

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I walked into the dance, dressed casually but ready to impress. Immediately a cute guy comes up to. I really need to get out of our little bubble and notice other people.

"Hi, I'm Josh."

"Melissa," I replied smiling up at him through my eyelashes.

"I know," he grinned cheekily. "Wanna dance?"

I looked around. It was stupid of me to hope Nick would come. "Why not?" I took his hand and he led me to the dance floor.

It was nice dancing with Josh. He pulled me close and I felt as if I was actually wanted. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I wished he was Nick. With his floppy blonde hair and piercing green eyes; he's gorgeous and I don't think he even knows it. Sure he acts cocky and full of it but he never seems to notice the longing stares girls give him when he walks by. We can't help it; good girls can't help falling for the bad boys.

"You know, you're in my history class."

"Really? I didn't notice. Sorry." Oops! Please say he won't ditch me just because of that.

"It's ok. I guess it's just you and your friends are all such a tight-knit group. You barely seem to notice anyone outside of it. You all seem so secretive."

"Yeah, I guess we are. We've been friends for a long time. We know everything about each other and more in a way."

"It must be nice to have such close friends."

"It is; we're like a mini family. But it's hard as well. You grow so close to each other that I don't know what would happen if someone else got close of if we lost someone."

"Well, the new girl seems to be fitting in with you well though."

"That's Diana. And Adam I guess as well."

"Yeah, some of us have noticed Adam staring a lot at the new girl. Cassie is it?"

"Yeah, he has been but I hope nothing comes out of it. Diana is so in love with him and they've been together for so long. It would be tough on all of us if they split. They're like the mum and dad of the group."

"I'm sure if anything did happen then you would all survive. But Adam would have to be a fool to dump Diana Meade. Especially for a new girl he doesn't even know very well. Sure Cassie's gorgeous but she has nothing really on Diana. There are so many guys who would kill to be with her. The same with you, you know?"

"What, me? I'm nothing special!"

"None of you guys seem to see it. You girls; Diana, Faye, you, you're all untouchable to guys mainly due to how close your little group is; you never notice us. But people stare when even one of you walks by, including you. Everyone watches you guys. Diana and Adam are voted most likely to be married and settled happily. There are bets on how long till Faye cracks or till you and Nick Armstrong finally get together."

"What? Me and nick? What do you mean?"

"Everyone can see it. How you two stare at each other when the other isn't looking. I don't think either of you actually realise that you love each other. No-one can come between you two; trust me. Girls and guys alike have all tried to grab both of you attention but they never succeed. You only have eyes for each other."

"Then why are you dancing with me?"

"I wanted too. You really are gorgeous and I'd kill to date you. But not when you are in love with someone else."

"I'm not in love with Nick."

"Are you sure about that?"

Josh looked behind me and grinned like he had a plan. Then he twisted me and dipped me down as if he was going to kiss me.

"Get your hands off my girl!"

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I couldn't stand it. I walked into the dance and my eyes immediately went to her. Not even by choice. She was dancing with some guy; he looked like a football player or jock of some sort.

Melissa doesn't need a jock. She needs someone she can relate to and work with. No, hell to that! She's mine! She needs me!

Wait a minute. Where the hell did that come from? Melissa's not mine.

_But she is. You were her first kiss when you were eleven. You took her virginity when she was sixteen. You're her first love; hell she's even told you that she loves you._

Yeah, she mumbled it when she was asleep! Doesn't count! And doesn't make her mine!

_But you would kill anyone else who touched her._

I'd do the same for Diana!

_Because Diana's like your sister. You grew up together. Melissa is like your soul-mate. You feel like you have to be near her. You hug the pillow she laid on when she's not in your bed. You came to a school dance to be with her. You felt you could open up to her when you told her about Jake and how you miss him. You-_

Ok! I like her. I have to admit it. She has a warmth about her that no-one else really has. She's the kind of person I wish I could be and I hope my mum was like. But I keep rejecting her! There's no way in hell that she likes me.

My internal debate was brought to an end when I saw that punk dip Melissa and lean in to kiss her. I don't remember moving but suddenly I was standing right in front of them glaring down at them with my fists clenched. All of my body was begging me to punch the tool and get him the hell away from my Melissa.

"Get your hands off my girl!"

Fin.


End file.
